


thought it was over when we said goodbye

by littlelooneyluna



Category: Emmerdale, robron
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Divorce Proceedings, Exes, Growth, I promise, M/M, Seperation, Sort of non-chronological, The Most Stubborn People Ever, Violence, last chances, mental health
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-31
Updated: 2018-01-31
Packaged: 2019-03-12 00:08:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,253
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13535472
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/littlelooneyluna/pseuds/littlelooneyluna
Summary: robert's finally ready to let aaron go, which is why he's going to sign their divorce papers. one last push. because there's absolutely no way of going back.or at least that's what he thinks.





	thought it was over when we said goodbye

**Author's Note:**

> the title is from one of my fave songs ever, by thirdstory which you should totally check out.
> 
> anyways i have wanted to write this for a while and wasn't sure what direction to go down. but i decided to swipe out the ons and keep aaron's prison ordeals and this sort of happened.
> 
> (the italics is the past tense)

Robert feels something for the first time when he's up in the lift, his stomach sort of flips as it rises and the doors open and he has to psyche himself up a little.

He shakes at his arms, clicks his neck and heads towards the bathroom.

He's wearing a tie, decided to go for a blue suit and not a black one because he's mourned the death of _this_ months ago. No, today, it's just the start of his new life.

He's just allowing the last few lines of the last chapter to be written. He's _finally_ relived that the pen works this time.

He stands there for a few seconds, and then a little more than that until he's walking back down the corridor and feeling his shoes squeak against the marble flooring. The building itself is extravagant in the sort of intimidating way and the many doors leading off of the rooms makes him feel lost a little.

But then some woman is telling him that he'll find what he needs in room 590. He nods at her, blows out a breath at walks inside.

He wants to be alone. But he isn't.

Aaron's there, and he turns quickly as he sights Robert in the room.

It's only them two.

And a few pieces of paper between them which need their signatures.

 _Divorce_ Papers.

"Alright?" Aaron says, and it's almost too much already. Robert drops his head, clears his throat and then nods.

Aaron can't help but stare at him, play with the finger where his ring used to sit. It doesn't sting or ache whenever he's not around Robert. But when he _is_ , it's almost like an unbearable pain. A pain he wants gone.

"You?" Robert forces out, because he sort of has to. This is Aaron.

Aaron shrugs. "Okay." He says and he doesn't want to admit how he was sick in the morning over _this_. Felt like he was dying or something dramatic when he realised that he's run out of time.

They both have.

Robert watches him for a second, sort of soaks him in a little because it's been a while.

"Feels weird this." Aaron says, and he breaks first. He lets the formalities slip when Robert's just about comfortable with being able to keep them up. He wants to hide behind short sentences until Joesph comes and tells him where to sign.

Robert sort of frowns. "A little." He says, pats down on his tie and then Aaron's wiping at his face a little like he's trying not to -

Cry?

It takes Robert back, makes him feel sick.

{ _"Aaron, you're not - are you crying?" Robert's saying, heart racing as he stares at the way Aaron's slumped against the wall._

_He looks like he has nothing left._

_"Can't do this. Not anymore." Aaron's chin wobbles and all Robert can do is stare at him. Wide eyed._

_"No. Don't say that. We can work through this." Because they can, because of course they can._

_Aaron's jealous, yeah. He's insecure, sure. But they're not broken._

_They can do this._

_They will._

_Aaron pulls his head into his hands and Robert kneels, scoots towards him and tries to hold his hand but Aaron pushes him away._

_"Stop trying to fix this." Aaron snaps. "Robert, we're done."_

_Robert's eyes flicker. "Of course we're not done."_

_Only, Aaron finally lets his hand raise and he cups Robert's face. "You have to let me go."_

_Because,_

_Aaron's insecurities have led him to do crazy things._

_He's embarrassed himself in the pub, drunk, talking about how soon Rebecca and his husband would be fucking._

_He's got Liv worried for no reason at all._

_Robert frowns, "No." He stresses, "No - you're saying it's all you." He gulps. "It isn't."_

_"It is."_

_"No." Robert panics. "I need to stop - stop flirting and -"_

_Aaron frowns, "We're not built to last Rob." He shrugs, eyes vacant. "We were kidding ourselves, thinking we could have all of this." He looks around their home, eyes watering now._

_"You don't mean this." Robert begs. "Please don't -"_

_But Aaron does mean it._

_That's why he takes his ring off._

_That's why it ends up in Robert's palm, cold, solid._

_"It's over."_

_It was._ }

"Well." Robert ignores the way Aaron looks. "It's been dragged out for too long I suppose." He frowns a little. "I know it was - was my fault that, the whole - waiting so long but ..."

He was adamant he could do it, win Aaron back.

So fucking adamant and he'd told Liv just as much.

{ _"I promise, I promise ya Liv. I'll make him see that we can work this out."_

_Robert tells her what he knows she's desperate to hear._

_And she nearly believes him. But. "How?" Liv says, eyes ride, hugging a pillow and breathing shakily. "He says you can't. Why would he say that?"_

_Robert gulps hard, he's messing up, Aaron's lashing out. Over and over again and now Aaron reckons that they're not meant to last, that they'll hurt each other before and above anything else._

_Robert bites his lip, "Because he thinks we should stop trying so hard to be happy." He shrugs, not really sure what exactly Aaron wants from him these days. Liv goes to speak and he stops her. "Don't be angry at him." He says, eyes watering now. "He needs ya."_

_"He needs you." She stresses the last word and Robert curls into himself._

_"Not enough."_

_Not more than all of this._ }

Aaron gulps. "It's alright" He frowns, feels something stir in his heart. "You don't need to -" he sighs hard and Robert looks at what he's wearing.

Purple jumper.

Jeans.

He's probably left his hoodie in the car.

"To what?" Robert says, maybe a little quickly because Aaron looks caught off guard.

"Explain." Aaron waves a hand out, "We don't need to do that anymore."

It makes Robert's shoulders fall a little.

{ _"Mum, it's over okay? Just leave it. Please just -"_

_But his mum won't leave it. Because she's distraught for him, she's got tears in her eyes and she won't stop asking why he can't allow himself to be happy._

_And Robert's words are on his mind again._

_He's saying that he doesn't know how to be happy and maybe, just maybe it's all true._

_But._

_"I know it's been hard, I know that - that since prison you've been -"_

_And Aaron knows it started before that._

_"I hurt him. I hurt us." Aaron's shoulders are hunched. "And he does the same."_

_He kisses Rebecca._

_He tells me they're just friends._

_He rips my heart out and then tells me I don't even need a plaster to mend it._

_"He waited for you darling." Chas frowns. "We all did."_

_And Aaron gulps. "It wasn't enough."_ }

Robert nods his head, walks towards the chair and sits down on it slowly. He's still staring at Aaron and the younger man flinches a little.

"What?" Aaron's saying, and it's been so long since Robert's stared at him with this much intensity. He's soaking him in or something and Aaron can't bring himself to look away.

Robert shakes his head. "Nothing." He shrugs. "You look well. That's all."

Aaron's taken aback by it, shouldn't be really. "Cheers." He says, closes his eyes and breathes out slowly.

{ _He's moving out._

_It's happening and Aaron's trying to make it easy for him._

_But they're both crying._

_Because it hurts._

_Robert's standing there, and he's thinking that this still isn't permanent. This still isn't real._

_It can't be._

_"Liv's back soon." Aaron says, almost as a way of saying, hurry up, go, she won't want to see you crying._

_Robert just raises his head. He's got water in his eyes. "I see." He says, frowns and then he's holding his bags tightly. "I should go then."_

_And Aaron doesn't say anything._

_"Just like that then?" Robert almost wants the heat back. Only Aaron clearly doesn't._

_"Don't make this any harder than -"_

_Robert frowns. "You've given up on us." He says, shouts, okay really shouts and Aaron's eyes turn glassy._

_Then he's tilting his head. "It's for the best." He says. "Trust me."_

_"What like you trust me?"_

_Because he didn't. That's why he went to prison. That's why he was broken, torn to pieces, why Robert blames himself._

_It's also why Rebecca's upt and left._

_Aaron gulps hard. "We didn't make any of this easy for -"_

_Robert hitches a breath. "Look at ya." He almost frowns. "You look so - so together and I'm - I'm falling apart." He says, because Aaron's wanted this. He's the one who pushed for them to end up like this and Robert can only watch it happen._

_Aaron almost erupts and it shakes the ground._

_He's a mess out of fucking nowhere and,_

_"I'm the one falling apart. I'm the one who can't keep anything fucking good in my life because I mess it all up and I hurt people and I'll never change. Never! Because he's made me this way!"_

_And yeah,_

_Gordon._

_Robert feels Aaron all around him._

_He wants to reach out, only Aaron would slip through his fingers and it would ache._

_"I could make you happy." Robert whispers, after the longest time. "I could make you forget what -"_

_Aaron frowns, and he reaches towards his chest. "I can't let ya. Because if I do. I'll ruin you." He breaks out into this sob and Robert knows that it's a promise._

_It's the darkest promise Aaron's ever made and -_

_"We were supposed to - to be messed up together, forever?" Robert says, steps forward and Aaron presses a hand on Robert's chest. Pushes him away._

_"You don't get it. But you will." Aaron says, and Robert wants to shake his head. "I'm sorry." He says,_

_And Robert, he feels sick, feels like he can't breathe._

_So he goes._

_He just goes._ }

Robert hesitates before sitting down on the marbled table and waving a hand out for Aaron to do the same.

Because they can do this.

They can wait this out.

Only, Aaron can barely meet Robert's eye.

"And - Liv, how's Liv doing?"

It's been longer than he wants to think about since he's seen her, since he's hugged her.

Because she blames him.

She blamed Aaron first, and then Robert, because he gave up too didn't he?

{ _"You promised me, and now, you're leaving." Liv's chin wobbles and she's so much younger than her years suddenly._

_He feels like he's going to be sick._

_But he just shrugs, bites back everything he wants to say to her. "He was right Liv, it's got to be this way."_

_And he goes._

_He just goes._ }

Aaron's eyes flicker and he plays with his hands.

"Yeah. Yeah, uh - she's off to Uni soon." He says and then he smiles a little because Robert pulls a face and they share this look. It makes Robert feel like he's dragged back to all that time ago. "Don't know if she's moving out or not her but -" he shrugs.

He hopes she won't be.

Because, yeah it shouldn't the way it is but -

She's been his rock, for so long.

{ _The house is dark, and Aaron's not got any tears left to shed so he's just curled up near his bedroom door and everything isn't the same anymore._

_Robert's not there anymore._

_And -_

_He feels someone touch his knee, he lifts his head and Liv's there._

_"Is he gone?" She's asking and Aaron nods, pulls a hand over her cheek._

_"I'm so sorry." Aaron whispers, because he's ruined her life as well as his own._

_Liv drops her head and it's clear that she's crying, trying to fight against it. "It's okay." She says, sighs. "We'll be okay."_

_And maybe, God maybe, they will be._ }

Robert frowns just a little. "I've missed her." He says plainly, shrugs and then gulps hard. "Weird that?" He says with a soft smile.

Aaron nods at him, and goes to speak but Robert is getting restless. He's standing up again and moving around a little until he's staring out the window and -

Aaron just soaks him. He's taller than he remembers him being. He has a kinder look about him now, the sort of look Aaron remembers seeing on their wedding day.

(The Legal One.)

It happened after prison, it was a beautiful summer one and Aaron had never felt like that before.

But it was over just as quickly.

Just as fucking quickly.

{ _He's meant to be better but he isn't. Robert's meant to be better too but -_

_They're married and they've fall into this soft sort of happiness, they really have._

_That sort of wild gentle softness where Aaron comes home and Robert's in the garden, planting seeds and acting like Doug._

_"What you doin' out 'ere?" Aaron tilts his head and smiles, before he waits and Robert turns round to him._

_He looks angry, looks like he's holding back something and Aaron's holding his breath._

_"Rebecca rang. She said she's leaving?" Robert says and all Aaron hears is relief flow through him over and over again._

_"Oh."_

_Robert pulls off his muddy gloves and sniffs. "Please, don't tell me you had anything to do with that?"_

_Only he did._

_Only him pushing her out of the village was the start of everything else._ }

Aaron can't stop staring, can't find anywhere else to look and he knows that he has to act soon. All this small talk has to be over soon. He has to fucking finally get passed everything and grab ahold of what he wants, has always wanted and -

"So," Robert shakes his hair a little and it's longer than Aaron's remembered it being. "How's work? Vic says the scrapyard is still going good."

It stops Aaron in his tracks and he stands by the window as well. Nods. "It's - yeah, Gerry helps out a lot." He shrugs.

Robert has a vague memory of who exactly Gerry is. "Lachlan's mate?" And Aaron pulls a face.

"More like Liv's." He says and Robert doesn't really pry.

He just looks out of the window, watches Aaron do the same and then he's glancing down at his watch.

"This is horrible this." Robert can't help but blurt it out, and his leg is bouncing up and down because he's nervous suddenly.

Aaron frowns up at him. "Rob -"

But Robert just shakes his head and gulps. "Sorry, it's just - I didn't exactly expect to be here for this long."

Aaron gulps at that. "Am I keeping ya?" He says, eyes flickering.

Only Robert just shakes his head. "Just - we've spent enough time feeling like _this_ haven't we? Just wanted it to be over."

Over.

It's final.

It's done, Aaron, it's done. It keeps being bashed over his head over and over again and he almost can't get passed it.

"Yeah. I know." Aaron's eyes flicker and then he's holding his breath and he's just hit by this memory.

{ _Aaron's kissing him. He's holding him so close and they're like teenagers._

_And he's got a husband. An actual husband._

_"Oi, husband." Robert pulls away, "Liv will be back soon." He flattens a hand down on Aaron's chest and makes the younger man tingle._

_"Will she?" Aaron says, and he wants this light feeling to last forever. "Better make the most of it then." He's hungry for him._

_Always has been._

_Always will -_ }

Robert looks towards his watch again, turns his phone over a few times and then gulps.

There's not a heaviness between them, just this lasting sense of weight which Robert thinks he won't be able to ever get passed.

Not even now.

It's like, when he's around Aaron, even like this.

Everything is just -

Different?

He's no longer the man he is today. The sharp yet kind guy.

No, with Aaron, alone in a fucking room for all of ten minutes, he's back to being this awkward mess of goo.

And he wants out.

Because Aaron has it together. And he looks great, he really really does and -

"Robert?" Aaron's looking at him. He can't look anywhere else and it's almost this surge of a feeling telling him that yep, it's now or never.

Robert's arrived early because it was fate?

Because, after all this time he's going to use those balls of his and just -

Robert frowns at him and then Joseph Tate is coming through the door. Aaron doesn't even want to know how he's connected to his own divorce proceedings.

Until it becomes clear. Some young lad called Rick is Robert's lawyer, Joseph's mate.

Aaron stiffens a little at their entrance, and there's this huge bout of just _no_ which runs through him.

No, not now.

No, not _yet_.

Robert shakes Jospeh's hands and winces a little, wonders if Aaron will grill him over making nice with the bloke who apparently ruined Debbie's life. Momentarily.

Apparently they're happy now.

Apparently it's all good.

Thinking about them having some sort of happiness together after the pain they went through sort of makes Robert feel sick but he doesn't like to dwell on it.

Doesn't know the point.

"Ah," Jospeh looks towards Aaron. "Aaron." His face drops a little and maybe Aaron's paleness is giving his feelings away. Jospeh looks at him, looks away swiftly and then down at the papers as Rick stands aside.

"Listen. Sorry for the wait but - we'll be back to sign the papers soon."

And Aaron can breathe again.

But Robert -

"We've been waiting ages." He argues, hands flapping. "I can't -" and Robert drops his head. He's suddenly overwhelmed with this heavy ache in his chest which tells him that it's all becoming too much.

That, just being here, makes everything bubble to the surface and -

Jospeh just tells him that he's sorry, and apparently that's it.

He's gone, with a click of the door and he just shakes his head.

"This is a joke." Robert says, once they're alone again. He's shaking his head, fucking pacing and Aaron just wants him to stand still.

"You never liked waiting." Aaron mumbles, and Robert just keeps walking up and down.

"Waited for you enough times." Robert snaps. And Aaron breathes out slowly.

"Yeah. You always did." He says, eyes flickering and Robert holds his gaze before looking away.

{ _"That's what we do. We wait. We hold on." Robert's explaining to Vic._

_He's drunk._

_He's beyond fucking drunk because not only has Aaron moved on. But he's also filed for a divorce._

_He wants to stop them getting hurt, wants to start the ball rolling or something like that and -_

_Everything just aches._

_"Did he try - try explaining?" Vic says, voice calm and levelled._

_But Robert doesn't want to hear it. He almost can't get through the pain in his chest._

_"What could he possibly say?"_

_Only he does have some shit to say and Robert is an idiot for entertaining it later on._

_He's still drunk, feels a warm buzz around him as he sits in the cricket pavilion and sees Aaron standing above him._

_He's got tears in his eyes, face puffy, hair ruffled._

_"I wanted to tell ya."_

_But he didn't._

_"Yeah well. I'm used to you breaking my heart." Robert slurs. "Suppose, I did break yours first though didn't I?"_

_And Aaron kneels down. "Let's get you home." He says kindly._

_And Robert feels the Divorce Papers in his hands still, cold, thick. He wants to hate Aaron with all his heart._

_"Piss off." Robert pushes him away, only Aaron's always been stronger in every sense of the word and he holds on. His arms are tight and firm and his hands hold at Robert's shoulders._

_"It's for the best, this. It's for the -"_

_Robert just stares at him, hates the tears that fall down his face. "I - I should hate you Aaron Dingle." He gulps. "Why don't I hate you?"_

_And Aaron lets go suddenly, like he's realising the damage he has done._

_The damage they keep doing to themselves._

_"I'm sorry." Aaron frowns. "I thought this would make it easier. I'm -" he's babbling like mad, an attempt to fill the silence maybe but it's pointless._

_It's all pointless and Robert feels sick._

_"You want a divorce? You want us over, forever and ever? That's what - what you want?" Robert says slowly, pointing at Aaron._

_And he waits._

_And he waits._

_And maybe he passes out before Aaron says anything back because -_

_He doesn't get a reply._ }

Robert doesn't even respond, and Aaron has to blow out a harsh breath.

"Sit down." He says and Robert just frowns at him so he has to try it again. "Just sit down alright, he'll be back soon. It'll be over soon."

And that gets Robert to slowly sit opposite Aaron.

Aaron smiles faintly, and he's never felt this nervous in all his life but he's got to try at least to say his peace and see what Robert thinks.

He knows, he really knows, that it might already be too late for all of this.

It's typical that he's waited this long anyway but -

Robert wants to make small talk instead. Small talk about a certain someone, and Aaron knows that it's almost to prove that he really doesn't give a shit about them anymore.

"How's Alex then?"

And it shouldn't be this cutting dagger between them. They've been separated for so long now and yeah, Aaron's had Alex as a boyfriend.

It's a mature reasonable question to ask and yet Aaron sort of hates Robert asking.

"Good." Aaron says and Robert's eyes flicker. "Last I heard, he was off to Thailand with some mates so..."

And Robert doesn't like his heart anymore because it makes weird sounds against his chest. "So you're not?"

"We broke up, yeah." Aaron shuffles a little, keeps his head down.

He remembers why, remembers when, exactly fucking when to.

He told everyone it was a coincidence. Only it never ever was.

He broke up with Alex, the day Robert finally stopped fighting for them.

The day Aaron broke Robert's heart one final time, he might have broke Alex's too.

{ _Alex takes it well. He sort of clears his throat and looks away and Aaron wills himself not to get emotional because that'll only make everything worse._

_Alex will feel sorry for him and it shouldn't be that way._

_"Can I ask why?" Alex says, and he's sitting on the sofa. Aaron's standing up._

_He knows he owes him that at least. He knows._

_"It's just - I don't want to lead you on. I don't - my heart's not in it as much as yours is." Aaron says, comes closer towards the sofa and Alex just nods his head._

_"Because of Robert?"_

_He blurts it out._

_And Robert's name is just everywhere now._

_Aaron winces, "No." He says._

_Only Alex does this little chuckle. "Of course it is. You're divorcing him and yet you still can't -"_

_"I have moved on." Aaron waves a hand at Alex. "I've been happy but -"_

_"They'll always be a 'but' won't there?" Alex says, he's not being nasty, just - upset and Aaron knows that he can't begrudge him that. "Because I'll never be him. And you'll never want me to be."_

_Aaron frowns, and there's tears in his eyes now. "Alex." He says, and he holds at his boyfriend's hand. Alex lets him. He's nice like that. "I'm sorry."_

_And Alex drops his head. "You still love him?"_

_Aaron blinks. "I always will." He gulps._

_And Alex lets go of Aaron's hand. "Well, go and do something about it."_

_Aaron frowns, pulls a face. "It's too late for us." He says, knows._

_Only Alex shakes his head. "So you breaking up with me, it's because of what exactly?"_

_And Aaron doesn't say anything, just looks sad._

_"Because you saw him with that girl?" Alex shakes his head. "Because it's not nice seeing him move on?"_

_"I'm sorry." Aaron says finally._

_Alex blinks quickly, nods. "You're scared Aaron. And you've proved to yourself that you can move on with me, yeah but - but now it's time to stop being so -" he tries to say something and Aaron knows._

_"Cowardly?" Aaron whispers, and a tear falls down his face._

_"You broke up with him because you didn't know how to love each other right, but now that's changed. I know. You know. Half the village know."_

_Aaron gulps._

_"So let him know."_

_Aaron raises his head, eyes wide._

_Alex stands. "Bye Aaron." He says, and it's so final._

_Aaron frowns, stands too. "Bye." He says, leans forward and Alex lets them hug for a second before he pulls back._

_"Thanks, for doing this before I - fell too embarrassingly hard."_

_And that fucking hurts._

_"You meant a lot Alex." Aaron frowns, because maybe not him as a person, but in some sort of abstract way, Alex stood for so much. "You helped." He smiles faintly._

_And Alex raises an eyebrow. "Sort of in my job description." Only he looks sad. "Just - sort it out. It's clear that - you're meant to be or whatever so..." he trails off and gulps. Then he waves and he's gone._ }

"Oh." Robert gulps, "Sorry." He says. "What - what 'append?" He frowns.

Aaron pulls a face. "Thought that Vic would have filled ya in."

He _really_ thought that.

Robert looks so genuinely shocked though. "Uh, no, she - we don't really talk about -"

 _You_.

 _Us_.

Aaron nods. He wants to steer away from this topic but Robert clearly doesn't.

"You guys seemed good together."

Aaron rolls his eyes. "Why? Because we had your blessing?"

{ _Alex is talking about something, it's about work, something about saving some bloke's life or whatever and Aaron supposes he should be listening._

_Only he isn't._

_Because Robert's by the bar and he's talking with Vic about some woman. He thinks he hears her name, thinks it's Sophie, or maybe Sophia. One of the two anyway._

_He's shy, and Vic teases and then he's blushing._

_And Aaron feels something just tug at his heart before Robert is looking over towards them and nodding._

_He prays he doesn't get up and come over, only he does._

_"Alright?" Robert says, pint in hand, half finished._

_Aaron nods, Alex flipping smiles._

_"Yeah. And yourself?" Alex says, and Aaron wants the ground to literally swallow him up._

_Robert even looks surprised and he breathes out a laugh but gulping. "Listen, I just - I wanted to say that I'm sorry for any damage I caused between you."_

_He is._

_He actually is and Aaron sees that._

_Alex puts down his pint and his eyes are wide. "It's - uh, yeah sure I -"_

_"I wasn't in a good place, sort of like the worst place ever but -" he stops, and Aaron still can't breathe. "I'm better now."_

_And Alex goes to speak, only his phone goes off and he's out the door before Aaron can follow him. So he just sits there and hopes Robert will turn around._

_Only Robert looks at him and smiles. Almost like they're strangers. "I meant it Aaron. You two are good for each other."_

_Aaron's mouth gapes for a second and then he tilts his head. "This you giving me your blessing?" And Robert doesn't say anything. "After all this time?"_

_Because Robert's done his best to screw everything up since Aaron slapped a divorce round his face._

_"Took me a while I know." Robert shrugs, and then he's sipping at his pint and Aaron is smiling a little. "What?" He's asking and then Aaron's pointing to his mouth and the foam around it. "Oh." Robert says quickly, turns bright red and Aaron watches him go._

_He watches Robert go._ }

Robert's eyes flicker and he doesn't know what to say.

"Sorry." Aaron scratches his eyebrow, and it's not like it's still raw or anything. It's just, this is Robert.

And he doesn't want to spend his time talking about an ex, when they should be talking about them. Before it's too fucking late and -

"Didn't mean to pry." Robert waves a hand up and Aaron can't help but be fucking mesmerised by who is in front of him. He's everything Robert wasn't before.

Aaron can't help but wonder how much he's changed, how much he doesn't get to know now.

It makes something feel lodged in the pit of his stomach and he can't seem to get passed it. He just can't. Because it was never ever meant to be like this.

He never ever thought it would get this far.

Him and his insecurities, and his need to act out and hurt.

And Robert and his self-loathing, his need to turn things on everyone and lie.

He thought that they'd have time.

And Robert, once upon a time thought the same thing too.

Until Alex.

Until _him_.

{ _Liv gets herself shipped to hospital, she's fine, well not fine but -_

_She'll live._

_Only Aaron has a complete breakdown over it._

_"You scared the life out of me." He tells her, shaking his head. "Don't ever do that to me again, okay?"_

_She nods weakly._

_"Why, why were you out on your own?"_

_Because Robert and him had found her in the woods, ankle twisted, head bleeding._

_She doesn't say anything, her chin just wobbles and -_

_"I thought, if you looked for me, if you spent time together then -"_

_And Aaron can't help the way his eyes water._

_"I didn't mean to actually hurt myself, I slipped, fell." She gulps and Aaron just stares at her._

_"Liv," she doesn't look at him and Aaron sighs. "Liv, look at me." He says. "Me and Robert - we're over."_

_"But you still love each other. Aaron, he loves you so much. And you can be happy together. You can." She's so passionate, and it aches. "Rebecca's gone and -"_

_"It was never about her. Not really." Aaron drops his head, "It was about us, not working. We don't work Liv." He keeps telling himself that._

_"But you still love each other." She repeats. "You're not over him."_

_"I am." He lies._

_And Liv keeps pouting. She's angry, wants Aaron happy._

_And then Alex, her doctor, shows interest and -_

_"Prove it."_

_So he does._

_And Robert, God Robert sees them and -_

_It's not meant to happen but it does._

_He's all,_

_"I hope my husband makes you very happy."_

_And he looks like his heart is about to break and Aaron, he wants to hug him._

_But he doesn't. Instead, Alex is shocked and charming and ... shocked._

_"Husband?" He asks, and Aaron explains._

_Not everything. Not Rebecca. Not prison and how fucked up it made them._

_"But you got legally married?" Alex asks, and Aaron nods and -_

_Alex asks if they're divorced and it's like Aaron can't even hear anymore._ }

"I don't want to talk about Alex." Aaron says, almost groans and Robert nods.

"You don't want to talk about yourself more like." It slips out and Aaron's eyes flicker, and he can't speak.

Until,

"So what about you then?" Aaron says and Robert's eyes widen.

"What's that meant to mean?"

"You, I mean - let's talk about you then." Aaron says, but Robert pulls himself away a little.

He doesn't want to talk about himself, he doesn't want this small talk. He really doesn't.

"Let's not." Robert pulls a face and Aaron's suddenly taller in his eyes. It makes him turn around, walk towards the glass panelled windows.

Aaron just stays where he is. "That's hardly fair." He says, "We get to talk about me and my relationships but ..."

Robert lifts his head.

Sophie's name is practically on Aaron's lips and his eyes flicker.

Robert's face is red and he heads for the door.

But Aaron's quicker.

He gets there first, tries to push at the handle and then sighs.

"It's locked." Aaron says, turns towards Robert. "He must have done it by accident."

" _Why_ would he do that?" Robert frowns, he's all confused suddenly and he tries to move towards the door and try himself.

Only Aaron pushes at Robert's chest and _stops_ him.

"What the -"

Aaron's eyes are wide suddenly. "It's locked alright. Why would I lie?"

Robert doesn't know what to think, just keeps staring at Aaron and then down at the way the younger man is still holding him.

"Do you mind?" Robert asks, breath tight and controlled as Aaron jumps back and pulls a hand over his mouth like he can't quite believe what he's doing. "What's wrong with you?" Robert says, starts frowning.

And it's Aaron turn to start pacing the room, he's building up to something. He'll explode if he isn't allowed to just get his words out and -

"Aaron?"

Aaron raises his head and gulps. "Nothing. I just - I didn't want you to think that - you had to run out." He frowns. "We don't need to be like that Robert. Not us."

Robert just stares at him, for the longest time and God he doesn't know this Aaron. "Why are you saying that?"

And it takes Aaron back. "What do you -"

Robert waves a hand out, starts playing with his tie and then he walks towards the window again.

"Sorry." Robert says softly. "I just - why would he lock the door? He knows that there's a long way to find the room. We could be stuck here for hours." He pulls a face and then thinks about how amazing that would have been for them a few years ago.

He feels like he's going to be sick suddenly.

"He said he'd be back soon." Aaron starts playing with his hands and blows out a breath. He thinks of Liv, she knows about this, she knows what he's finally trying to do and he doesn't want to let her down.

{ _He's told her, and she's reacted in a way he didn't think she would._

_She's got tears in her eyes, face all puffy._

_"So you don't think I'm being an idiot?" Aaron sniffs, sleeves rolled down and over his hands. "That it's the most stupid idea you've ever heard?"_

_And he expected her to shout, to race upstairs and tell him that he hadn't put her through the last year for absolutely nothing but -_

_She just smiles, all warm and fuzzy and the way Robert used to say he liked Aaron smiling._

_And,_

_"I think it's the bravest thing." She says, wipes at her eyes. "Don't come home without him, okay?"_

_And he turns bright red. "I'm not sure about that. Liv, don't get your hopes up. It's just me, telling him how I feel. That's all. It might not be enough."_

_That haunts him._

_But Liv just nods. "It will be." And she's so sure._

_Aaron smiles faintly, bends towards her and she hugs him tightly._ }

Aaron's got his head down, "Robert. I need to -" but when he raises his head, Robert's tapping away on his phone and looks like he's in a world of his own.

"Robert?" He says a little louder and Robert raises his head.

"Just tryna get ahold of Joe, see if he can unlock the door for us."

"No." Aaron blurts out. "No just - hold on." He reaches over and grabs at Robert's phone and he knows he's mental and too old for this but -

Robert feels his heat jump. "Aaron, what the fuck are -"

But Aaron just waves his hands out. "Just hear me out." He says and Robert wants to disappear.

He doesn't want to have to hear anything.

"Hear you out?" Robert asks, "What does that even mean?"

Aaron's mouth hangs open. "It means - it uh - it means that -"

"We've spent ages talking." And Robert almost winces as he speaks, it makes Aaron's chin wobble a little.

"Look. I've heard you out enough times." Aaron says, squints. "The least you owe me -"

"Owe you?" Robert says, indignantly. "I think we both know that we don't _owe_ each other anything anymore, don't you?"

{ _Robert's ruining it again, this time even more on purpose._

_Liv's helping of course, and they're trying to sabotage things as much as they can._

_And it's working._

_So far, Alex has been taken to the wrong pub, thanks to bribing Pete, and also had a drink poured over him by accident courtesy of the lovely Liv._

_Aaron's livid about it. And Robert finds him outside, trying to tell Alex he's sorry. But he goes. Because he hardly has the time to spare, being a doctor and all._

_He leaves in a cab and Aaron's charging across towards him._

_"Bet you're pleased." He says, and Robert almost melts under the integration of it all. "Alex is a decent bloke, he's actually -"_

_"Not me." Robert whispers, kicks at a stone under his shoe and Aaron frowns at him._

_"Just -" Aaron's heart races. "I've got to go." He says, and Robert holds him by the arm so they're close to each other._

_"Tell me why he's special then." Robert says, and maybe he's had one too many. Aaron's startled and just looks at Robert. "Tell me why he gets to be in your bed and I don't."_

_And that makes Aaron pull away roughly and his eyes are wet suddenly._

_"Fuck off." Aaron says, voice tight and weak._

_"Sorry." Robert blurts out. "I just, don't you at least owe me that?"_

_And Aaron stops walking away from Robert. He just stops dead._

_"You're the one who ended it. You're the one who moved on. So don't you owe me -"_

_Only Aaron just shouts._

_"We don't owe each other anything." Aaron spits, "We're over." He says, "Over." He says again and then he's holding Robert by the shirt._

_Their eyes meet, almost lock._

_"We'll never be over."_

_And Aaron just walks away._ }

Aaron gulps, "I just want to talk." He shrugs. "It's been a long - long time since we last just _talked_ about -"

"Us." Robert barely whispers, eyes trying to keep hard. "Is this about money or something? Because you _know_ me setting some aside for Liv was just for her to be set for university, not because of you." He's explaining everything with his hands and Aaron nods at him quickly.

"I know." Aaron whispers, remembers how touched he was when his lawyer bought it up with him over a drink.

He cried.

"It's not about that." Aaron panics, and then he looks down at the divorce papers.

They just stare back at him and he turns pale.

"We're really doing this." He whispers, eyes flickering and Robert feels something lunge in his chest.

He almost can't breathe.

"Yeah." Robert clears his throat. "Of course we are." He says, and after all this time.

His heart is finally settled with that terrifying knowledge.

"Just wished they'd actually hurry up and let us -"

"I don't." Aaron snaps out, and he doesn't mean to but -

He says it. He means it.

And then he looks up at Robert. "I don't want that." He whispers.

Robert frowns at him, face growing red. "No." He says suddenly, and his heart is going crazy. "No, no, no, you don't get to do this to me."

He's shaking his head, backing away.

Aaron winces.

"Take it back. Take that back." Robert keeps telling him and Aaron feels tears in his eyes.

"I _can't_." Aaron says suddenly, "Because it's true." He shrugs. "Because if he comes in here then - then I won't be able to say what I need to say before -"

Robert pulls a hand over his face. "And what's that then?" He waits, baited breath and then he shakes his head. "I don't even want to know." He says. "Just like you didn't."

{ _"Don't tell me you miss me Rob." Aaron whispers down the phone, because Robert is drunk calling him and it makes things worse._

_"But I do." Robert whines, "And I'll get you back, I promise. I've still got time."_

_"I don't want to hear it."_

_He did._

_He did want to hear it._

_Robert shudders, and a tear rolls down his face as he pulls the phone away from him and hears Aaron call his name._

_He puts the phone down._ }

Aaron frowns. "That was then, this is now." He says, "This is me and you - and a piece of paper between us and -" he's babbling and Robert shakes his head.

"You put it there." Robert points at the table. "You." He says, tears welling in his eyes.

"I know!" Aaron's shouting. "Don't you think I fucking know that! Don't you think I regret that every single day of -"

Robert blinks. "Regret?" Everything grows heavy around him and he feels sick.

Aaron rubs a hand over his face and grips onto his chair.

"You can't say you regret it. Are you crazy?" Robert's angry, he's so angry and he feels like he's going to cry.

"Maybe!" Aaron says, holds at his head. "I feel like I'm going crazy, and it's all your fault because I can't get you out of my head and I don't want _this_! I don't -"

Robert's eyes widen.

"Don't want this." Aaron kicks at the chair and stops speaking.

Robert feels like he's falling or something but learns how to hold onto the chair. "Sit down." He whispers, and Aaron does.

He sits and Robert shudders when there knees bump together as they sit.

"Not ashamed to admit this, but - you know I - I had a counsellor. Have a counsellor." Robert's saying and Aaron lifts his head in surprise. "And she made me see how bad everything was, how we hurt each other. Because I was so in denial wasn't I?"

Aaron doesn't say anything, just looks away.

"I convinced myself that when you came back from prison, we'd be _perfect_. But we weren't? You were broken, and - I couldn't fix ya?"

Aaron doesn't know what to say, just leans his head closer towards Robert's. "I didn't expect you to -"

"We hurt each other Aaron. Really bad."

And everything turns grey.

And Aaron's loosing it one night, he's throwing something across the room and it nearly hits Robert and he's breaking down on the sofa and -

It's the last straw that. Nearly hurting Robert, nearly tainting all the goodness Robert has.

{ _"God, Robert, Rob, I'm so sorry. I never meant - you were pushing me about -_

_Robert's chin wobbles._

_He was trying to make Aaron talk about what happened in prison._

_Aaron's eyes widen. "Wasn't your fault. God. I'm so sorry, Robert, I'm so -"_

_And Robert catches Aaron's distraught weight._

_He catches him._

_And everything turns black._ }

They were tattered, stretched too far and _God_ they'd tried to convince themselves that one day all the hurt would stop but it wouldn't.

It wouldn't.

Aaron nods his head. "I know we did." He whispers, "I know that. But we -"

"We can't do this. Not now." Robert explains slowly, almost doesn't need to explain.

"Don't you see?" Aaron whispers, and when he looks up, he's got a tear rolling down his face. "We _have_ to do this now, before it's all over."

Robert can't believe him. He honestly can't even -

"It _is_ over." Robert snaps, stands quickly and starts pacing the room. "You told me enough flipping times." He says. "And I - I was adamant that I'd get you back." He shakes his head slowly.

{ _"Says here, there's six weeks until it's finalised." He says, eyes bright for the first time in days. "I still have time."_

_Only Vic looks worried. "Rob, time for what?"_

_He rolls his eyes. "To make Aaron see that we are meant to be. To make him change his mind._ }

Aaron gulps. "I know." His chin wobbles, "You tried and I -"

"At first you were kind, I suppose." Robert whispers, has a faint smile on his face. "Because, you were weaker. And everyone was confused about why we broke it off."

Even Paddy was.

Because Aaron's explanation was,

"We couldn't do it anymore. He lies, and I hurt him and we're going to ruin each other one day."

It was always that.

And everyone always assumed that Robert had caused it all.

Maybe he had. "It _was_ me though. You went to prison because of me, remember? Remember you said that?"

And Aaron has to look away.

{ _Aaron's crying, of course he's crying and he's also angry. He's fuming at Robert, at himself, at the whole world for not allowing them to just love each other and be done with everything else._

_He's messed up, and he's hurting himself again because the memories of prison are just too much to bare._

_"You need to get help again Aaron, for God's sake." Robert's against the wall, and Aaron's so far away from him and he wants to love him forever but he knows that Aaron won't let him. "It's prison isn't it? Us getting married properly, it didn't stop anything did it?"_

_He hopes it had, he was naive like that._

_"Of course it didn't." And Aaron's tired of lying. "Because he's still up here." He points to his head. "Because he won't go away." He holds at his chest and Robert races towards him, tries to hold him close._

_"Let me help ya, just let me help ya and -"_

_Aaron pushes Robert hard, "How? You're the reason why I was there in the first place!"_

_He's shouting and he looks like he means it and Robert looks distraught._

_"How could you even say -"_

_"I hit him! I hit him because I was thinking about you and her and you ended it with me and -"_

_"You don't mean this." Robert tells him. "You wouldn't be saying any of this if you just went and saw someone and -"_

_Aaron passes him, goes to bed._

_He doesn't take it back._

_The cracks get even bigger._ }

Aaron remembers how wrong he was. "I never meant that." He frowns. "Robert," but Robert just looks away. He goes to stand and Aaron's holding his hand suddenly and it makes Robert freeze.

"Don't Aaron." Robert is so sad suddenly. "I blamed myself for all your failures, for so long and -"

Aaron nearly cries. "I put myself there, not you." He has to wipe at his face. "I blamed you because I hated myself, Robert," Robert still has his head down. "Rob, look at me."

Rob.

Robert can't breathe suddenly.

"It wasn't your fault. My temper put me there."

Robert shakes his head, and suddenly Aaron's hand means to much on his and he pulls it away.

"I can't hear this now Aaron." Robert says. "Why would you say all of this now?"

"Because, because right now, is the last time I can. And I've been meaning to -" Aaron huffs, "I didn't realise how much I made you feel guilty."

Robert shakes his head. "You don't need to say any of this though, it's done now. It's over now." He tries to smile faintly only Aaron looks like he's going to start crying. Again. "Aaron, please." He says heavily.

"No." Aaron snaps. "We - we were both to blame." He frowns. "But we're different people now Rob." He shakes a little, "Don't you think?"

Robert can't believe this, feels like he's going mad.

"What - what are you trying to say Aaron?"

Aaron huffs out of a breath. "I'm trying to say that - we're different, we're better now. Doesn't that - that change -"

"Change what?" Robert's eyes are wide suddenly.

Aaron sighs. "Will you stop making this so fucking hard for me and just -"

Robert frowns harshly, "Just what?"

"Just let me tell you that -"

"Tell me what, Aaron you're not making -"

"I don't want to divorce!" Aaron's shouting, above every single emotion telling him that this shouldn't be happening. That he has to let Robert go like he said all those months ago.

Robert's heart nearly stops altogether.

He doesn't say anything, he almost can't.

But his eyes flicker and Aaron has to sit back down slowly and bury his hand in his hands.

He's _finally_ said it.

"Can you just say something?" Aaron whispers, raises his head and almost pleads before Robert sits down slowly and gulps.

"Aaron, you're the one who -"

"Asked for one? Yeah." Aaron lifts his head a little, smiles faintly at Robert. "You want to know why?"

Robert frowns. "Because you wanted one. Don't tell me that back then you didn't -"

" _Liv_." He whispers. "She needed to know for sure that there wasn't anyway back for us. And Alex was confused and - I wanted to believe it was done. I really did."

"Great." Robert's eyes water. "So, all those times, all those times I tried to win you back? Why couldn't you just tell me?"

{ _Robert's used the spare key under the mat and Aaron's more than a little alarmed to see him at his place._

_He's made them something, candles everywhere._

_"Rob, you can't just walk in whenever you like."_

_Robert shudders. "Not divorced yet are we?" He smiles, nervous._

_Aaron looks away. "We're separated. I - I'm with Alex." He says and Robert knows that. He hates that, a lot._

_"Yep. I know that." Robert scratches at his eyebrow. "But me and you, we belong together Aaron." He shrugs._

_Aaron's just silent._

_Robert walks towards him and presses their foreheads together. "We're rubbish without each other." Aaron gulps hard, looks at Robert's lips and then leans towards him._

_For a second, Robert thinks he has it all back. But Aaron just looks away instead._

_"We're over." Aaron's eyes are glassy. "We have to be over." He says._

_Robert holds him by his arm. "Just be honest with yourself Aaron. This is me." Because he knows, he can feel that Aaron's not completely removed from him just yet. "We can get through what happened to you in prison, I can - can get better too. We can be healthy and -"_

_"It's too late for that." Aaron whispers. "Robert, it's too late for us." He says._

_That's all he says._ }

Aaron opens his mouth but nothing comes out and he flaps a hand down. "I took you for granted. The way you felt, how determined you were."

Robert sniffs, "Then you told me exactly how you felt, remember? You made it so clear."

He had done. He really had.

Aaron knows exactly what Robert's talking about, it makes everything inside him cry out.

{ _He's had a shit day of it._

_A client was angry about something, and Aaron's spent the whole day trying to appease the sod._

_And Alex is working late, he's hardly seen him lately and when he does, he's being nice and asking if Aaron is doing alright and everything is just way too much._

_So he's in the pub, purposely trying to keep to himself._

_But Robert comes over, "Can we have a chat?"_

_He wants to tell him sit down and let him hug him, but he also wants to him to piss off._

_"About what? Aaron doesn't even raise his head. He's thinking about their upcoming meeting, they're going to have to discuss the business and how much they owe each other in terms of money and it makes Aaron feel sick. "Can't it just wait until Tuesday?"_

_Robert just frowns. "I was hoping we wouldn't have to go down that road." He admits. He's still standing over Aaron. "My lawyer, Rick, he says we should go in with 'irretrievable breakdown' and I don't -"_

_"Don't what?" Aaron finally raises his head and Robert's clearly started. "That's what we are, broken down." He's almost shouting and Chas is looking over, all concerned._

_Robert's turning red and Aaron can't stop himself._

_"Aaron, can't we just sort this out between us, please, we can still make this work. I know we can still -"_

_"Just stop!" Aaron stands suddenly and Robert's eyes flicker. "Stop trying to fix us. We're done." His voice is louder than he wants it to be. "You wanted me to be honest yeah? This is me being honest. We're getting divorced Rob, whether you like it or not. And I'm glad."_

_He's not. What's fucking wrong with him?_

_Robert looks like someone is stamping on his heart. And Diane pipes up, tells Aaron to clam down._

_"Glad?" Robert whispers, eyes watering._

_Aaron's working himself up, he wants it to be final. He wants Robert to finally be happy without him. Finally._

_"Yeah." He whispers and then Robert's running, he's just running and Aaron lets him._

_He lets him go and sobs into his pillow until there's a small knock on the door and his husband is standing on the other side._

_It's almost three in the morning and it's freezing but Robert looks numb._

_"Thank you." He says, and he's eerily calm._

_"Rob," Aaron steps outside, holds the door ajar. He wants to say that he's sorry, that he's so sick of hurting him. "I -"_

_"Just wished you would have told me sooner." Robert shrugs, shakes his head. Aaron goes to speak and Robert looks up at him. "Tell me again, just - just so I know. Tell me you don't want me to try anymore."_

_And it's almost the hardest thing Aaron's ever had to say but,_

_"They'd be no point. We're over." He shudders. "I don't want you to try anymore."_

_But you have to, Aaron wants to scream._

_He doesn't._

_And Robert just nods, and then he's sliding his ring off. He's holding it up and then sliding it in to his pocket with a sad smile._

_"Bye Aaron." He says, so so sadly._

_And Aaron's crying as Robert turns away from him._ }

"I didn't know you'd actually - actually stop. And then you took your ring off and it was too late and then -" he shudders. "Then I saw ya with that woman and before I knew it, it was over between me and Alex."

Because the girl was pretty, and sharp and so like Robert that it made Aaron ache.

"Sophie?" Robert says and Aaron nods slowly.

{ _She actually asks Aaron for help._

_She's walking into the pub, black skirt, floral blouse. All out of sorts in the country pub._

_And Aaron's behind the bar._

_"Hello, sorry. Do you know if Robert Sugden is here?"_

_Aaron frowns. "Uh, who wants to know?"_

_He expects her to be a little confused but she just laughs. "I'm a business associate. We have a meeting?"_

_Aaron's shoulders relax and his heart does something funny._

_"Oh, well he's -" Aaron goes to speak but the door opens and Robert's walking in with a smile on his face._

_He's ordering Sophie and him a drink and Aaron brings them over. Only because he wants to hear what they're talking about._

_It's not prices or number or whatever though, Robert's laughing about something she's saying. And they're talking about flipping Tunisia._

_"Here." Aaron slams them down a little too harshly and Sophie just smiles before she's looking back at Robert._

_Robert nods at Aaron. "Cheers." He says, almost smiles and then he looks back to the woman._

_And Aaron's almost invisible._ }

"Thought she was just a business associate?" Aaron says, almost tries to joke. "Are you still?"

"Still what?" Robert asks, hand over his mouth a little. "We had a few dates yeah." He looks almost as uncomfortable as Aaron did when he called her 'Soph' once.

"Oh." Aaron whispers, a little crushed.

"But it didn't work out. I mean, she wasn't - she wasn't enough." Robert says. "Amazing but, maybe why you and Alex broke up. The same sort of reason."

Aaron's chin wobbles. "You were the reason. You always are." He says. "And then you were _gone_."

{ _Robert says goodbye. Not purposely but Aaron catches him putting some things in the boot of his car._

_And -_

_"Business meeting?" Aaron asks, passes him casually and then pales as Robert shakes his head._

_"I'm leaving. Found a flat in Leeds."_

_Aaron's body turns to jelly. "Why?" His voice nearly breaks and Robert looks away from him._

_"Because I need a fresh start." Robert sighs. "Me staying here, seeing you everyday, it's not working. Despite the fact that we're getting a -"_

_Divorce._

_Aaron's chest rises and falls. "You don't have to do that." He says, and he's trying not to plead but -_

_"I have to, for me." Robert smiles faintly. "I need this. I don't want to be this person anymore."_

_Aaron shudders. "I just want you happy." He says. "That's - that's all I've wanted." And Alex isn't his anymore, Liv wants Aaron to run into Robert's arms and he was halfway there but -_

_Robert gulps. "I appreciate that." He says, so diplomatically and it's almost alien._

_Aaron looks away and the rain starts._

_"Tell Liv, that I'm sorry. She'll understand." Robert feels like his heart aches._

_Aaron has tears in his eyes. So suddenly he realises that he'll never see Robert again, not like this._

_They'll be strangers and someone else will fill his place, know him so much better than he does right now._

_Aaron nods, and he doesn't care about anything else, he leans forward and Robert catches his weight as Aaron tugs at Robert's coat like he doesn't want to let go._

_"Bye Aaron." Roberts whispers, kisses Aaron's cheek and then he's gone and he just aches._

_He's crying, right there on the spot, in the middle of the village._

_And Paddy is there suddenly._

_"Aaron -"_

_"Don't okay? Just don't." Aaron runs home, shuts the door behind him and feels like he'll never stop crying like this._ }

Robert frowns. "I couldn't stick around forever."

Aaron hitches a breath. "And I couldn't stop crying." He scoffs, eyes sad. "Because, this, us, it isn't over. It won't ever be over. You said that once."

"And I was wrong." Robert says, "I was holding on to -"

"I wanted you to hold on! Because you were always the strong one, and I counted on that and I'm _sorry_." Aaron leans forward and he's crying again.

"Aaron, don't cry." Robert tells him, "We knew this was coming."

"I don't want it to." Aaron begs. "I miss you."

Robert winces, feels like he's dreaming. "You can't just say that now." He says. "I've - I've been _fine_. I've been happy Aaron. I haven't had you on my mind day after day and now? Now you want to do this to me?"

He wants to hate him so much.

"I don't want to hurt you. I just - just need to tell you how I feel." Aaron feels like they're going round and round in circles and it's nearly all over.

"I lie. And you don't trust me." Robert says it so harshly. "That's what we do." He's gulping hard suddenly, eyes wet. "That'll never change."

We won't ever change.

He goes to stand and Aaron drags him down. "I see a counsellor too. Heidi." Robert suddenly smiles, _proud_. "She helps me, she does Rob. And - and I'm dealing with how insecure I am. I'm dealing with - with the stuff I used to say."

Because he never really understood Robert did he?

{ _They're arguing, because Rebecca's gone, because Robert is friendless now apparently and it's all Aaron's fault._

_"She helped me when you were inside." Robert's saying, a frown on his face. "When you were gone."_

_Aaron frowns. "Oh I bet she did. Her and any other woman that -"_

_Woman._

_It makes something sting in Robert's chest. He feels sick suddenly._

_"Or man." Robert says. "Because I'm -"_

_"I know." Aaron snaps._

_"I'm bisexual Aaron. You're not the only man I've ever been with! You're not some exception to the rule so don't act like you are!"_

_And it's explosive, and Aaron doesn't have anything to say._ }

"I'm sorry I never understood that part of ya." Aaron looks ashamed. "But it didn't stop my loving you with - with everything I had."

Robert shudders, turns cold. "No. Don't say - don't mention -"

"It's true." Aaron whispers, hands falling over Robert's face and Robert can't escape him. "I loved you so much, I didn't know what to do with it all. So I lashed out and I hurt ya, and I -"

Robert closes his eyes. "I did the same. Don't you see? That's why we can't be -"

"Our wedding day." Aaron's face literally glows. "It was the happiest I'd ever been. If you can't say the same then - then fine, we should divorce. But if you _can_ then surely we -"

"We couldn't make each other happy for enough time Aaron. You said that. You convinced me that - we weren't built to last. That affairs heighten everything and sooner or later we'd burn out. You wanted to hurt me and I believed you. I still do."

Aaron hates himself so badly, wants to cry. "I didn't mean it. Rob, please, please don't give up on us."

Robert's eyes are wet. "Like _you_ did you mean?"

"I wasn't in a good place. I thought - thought I was worthless. I took you for granted. We didn't know what to do with how much we loved each other but -"

"Why are you saying this?" Robert almost says to himself. "Why are you -"

"Because I'm in love with you!" Aaron shouts, makes the ground start shaking again. "I don't want to ever ever stop, I don't think it's possible. Because you're it, you always have been and I'm sorry, I'm just sorry and I want -"

Robert doesn't let him say anything else, suddenly he's pulling him closer and they're kissing.

And they haven't done this for months and months and months and months and everything around them is hazy suddenly.

All Robert can think about is Aaron's lips on his, their tongues sliding together and making Robert's stomach flip and fizzle and -

Aaron's got a tear rolling down his face, pulls away and then smiles before he's pouncing on Robert and they're falling into their old rhythm.

Aaron's hands in Robert's hair.

Again and again and -

"Damn you." Robert shudders, "Aaron, I -" he can't speak, feels like he's turned to jelly or something.

Aaron pulls a finger across Robert's lips. "I love you Robert Sugden." He says. "And I'm done telling myself I don't deserve this, you, us to be happy for years and years. I just want you." He's done, and he falls against Robert's chest.

Robert holds him, for a second.

And he closes his eyes and allows everything to be simple for a few seconds.

But then he's pulling away.

"I'm sorry. I can't do this." He's walking towards the door and then Joe's coming in with a smirk on his face.

Like he knows something Robert doesn't and then he's looking at Aaron.

And,

Oh.

"So, any need for those divorce papers or?"

Aaron looks away and Robert pushes past Joe, starts running down the stairs instead of taking the lift.

He's more than a little overwhelmed considering today was the day who was supposed to start his life again.

He wasn't supposed to still love Aaron.

He really wasn't.

But -

He's sitting in his car for what feels like absolute hours. And he's slamming the wheel and crying and thinking about the fact that if Aaron had told him this a few months ago, he would be over the moon.

But now?

He can't be, because there's just too much water under the bridge and yet -

Robert brings a finger towards his mouth and shudders. Nothing can come close to the way Aaron makes him tingle.

"What the fuck are you doing?" Robert whispers under his breath, shakes his head and suddenly gets out of the car.

He's up the stairs and in the room again within seconds but Aaron's nowhere to be seen.

"He's gone. He just left." Joe says, looks like gutted for his mate. "He signed it." He waves the paper in front of Robert's face and he sees the wet spots from Aaron's tears. "Just need yours now."

Robert feels his heart break, and he's so close to the table. If he wanted to, he could reach over and grab the pen and within seconds it could be over -

Only,

He sees Aaron on the phone outside from the window and he drops the paper from his hands.

"No chance!" He says, and he's back down the stairs, wheezing because yeah he's nearly on the wrong side of thirty.

And then -

"Yeah I know Liv. I tried my best, I'm sorry." Aaron's sniffing down the phone. "It wasn't enough." He says and Robert slowly comes towards him and grabs the phone.

"It was Liv. It was."

And he can hear her laughing down the line, crying and laughing and clearly pleased and he smiles as Aaron stares at him wide eyed.

"I'll see you later." He tells her, almost can't wait.

And then he ends the call and looks at Aaron.

The clouds above them are dark and heavy and yet between them everything seems light.

"Did you mean that?" Aaron's saying. "Don't just say it, Rob - I -"

"I've loved you for years." Robert says, "That's - it isn't going to change." He smiles softly. "I'm sorry." He says, breaks down a little and Aaron's holding his waist suddenly.

"Hey, it's okay." Aaron whispers, and they're noses are brushing against each other's.

"Never thought you'd want me again. I'm - we just hurt each other _so_ much sometimes and -"

"We're better now." Aaron promises. "We have so much to work through but -" he drops his head and then smiles. "I want to be Mr Aaron Sugden."

Robert's eyes are blown wide and he can't breathe so Aaron kisses him hard.

"Thought you never wanted to change your name?" Robert manages to breathe out a few seconds later.

Aaron frowns. "I want to be yours. All yours." He whispers, "I want to have your name, be a proper little married couple and that." He whispers, blushing.

Robert pulls a hand through Aaron's hair and smiles. "I want that too." He says. "I want it back." He whispers.

Aaron nods, pulls Robert into a hug and feels the older man rub at his back. "It's going to be hard you know," Robert says. "But we can't give up again okay?"

"Never." Aaron whispers, nuzzles his face into Robert's chest suddenly. "I promise I won't."

And then it starts raining, and they don't even care.

Aaron lifts his head and smiles, like everything is just perfect again.

"I love you." Robert whispers, beautifully soft and just a whisper above the rain.

But Aaron hears him, "I love you." He shakes his head. "I love ya so much. And I'm so sorry for hurting ya."

"Hey." Robert whispers, kisses at Aaron's head. "We're not looking at the past anymore okay?" He says gently.

Aaron nods, "Come home." He says suddenly. "Please, I want you in my bed tonight. It's been too long since -"

Since I held you, since you held me, since we held each other.

Robert nods, "We'll go home and we'll never look back. Me and you and Liv. We're going to be okay."

And sure, Robert's not mad. He knows they'll stumble and fall and hurt each other and probably drive each other mad.

But -

They know how to love each other now.

They know their worth.

And they can be happy without each other, healthy. But they'll always wants this. And they'll always get this back.

They'll find each other every single time and it won't ever be too late.

Robert finally knows that, and Aaron finally accepts that.

And they both finally want that more than anything else in the world as Aaron leads Robert into the Mill, and they start their new lives.

 _Still_ Married.

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> ... hope you enjoyed, let me know if you did!


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